I spent this week feeling more and more awake and in charge of myself. Made sure to do the grocery shopping, made sure to get up and tend to my online shops and social media. Made sure to get to the one day of work I had scheduled this week and be on time. Paid bills, and laid the groundwork for whatever is on the other side of the current situation. Made sure to talk to my mommy on Fridays, the routine that I committed to back in March.
Exercise is spotty, but I’m doing it. Along with trimming my cuticles and washing the dishes. I made a rule that there is no drinking before Friday afternoon and after Sunday evening. I’m remembering how fun cooking is and enjoying creating good food and enjoying the weekly trip to the store. I’m enjoying watering my plants and decorating my apartment. I’m enjoying the way I feel when I come through the door and realize that this is all mine, my space to change as I please.
I’m enjoying remembering, even when the memories hurt or make me ashamed of my words or actions. I lived a life, I did some things. I enjoy knowing that I was there and am now here. I am living. I am breathing and seeing and hearing and tasting and smelling and touching, using everything that’s been given to me and grateful to have a self to be. There’s death all over the place and I am alive and healthy and I can finally appreciate that without inflicting fake judgements on myself.
Until next time,