lifestyle

The Problem

Celebrating the end of the first quarter of 2021

This is the best month I’ve had in a year. It was almost pre-COVID stellar. I got a lot of freelance merchandising work, I got a background acting gig, my business was featured three times on different sites, I joined clubhouse, I tested negative for COVID-19 twice. I found a new dentist and a new doctor that take my insurance. I’m ending the first quarter of the year with savings, and my side hustle performed admirably with very little effort from me. My evil ass family is thriving, and I’m happy about it. I am adulting the hell out of 2021. But let me complain about the one thing that’s holding me back; my procrastination problem.

I procrastinate so much that it scares me a little. I don’t even make excuses, I just don’t do things in a timely fashion. I’m always late for work because I don’t want to get out of bed and when I do I dawdle over things like which socks to wear. They are just socks. I don’t finish things because I have no sense of urgency. I still haven’t finished the painting job I started in the living room and bathroom. I clean up, but then leave a pile of papers on the table… even though the filing cabinet is right next to the table. I have items that need to be listed and they are piled on my mini backdrop with the light set up and they have been there all month.

I keep making promises to myself that I’ll fix it, I make lists to fix it, I yell at myself to fix it and then I lie down on the bed and don’t fix it. I tried to exercise every week? The mat is out, the exercise clothes are on the mat and I have very delicately stepped over them for weeks. I sweep the floor and sweep right around the mat like I’m scared to move it. Wtf? It’s not right. I’m putting it on my blog hoping that the magic blogger fairy will see it and sprinkle some magic through the internet to solve my problem. I’m still chugging along, still functioning, but it’s like a cog has slipped somewhere and I don’t work as quickly or efficiently as I used to.

I read that fear of failure can cause procrastination and that sounds about right.


beauty, lifestyle, makeup

The Actress

My headshot

So, I signed with Central Casting awhile back and I finally got a gig this week! But I can’t talk about it. Well, I can’t give details. I’ll just say that it was pretty much what I thought. Surreal. And long.

In real life

Back in real life it was all about jumping over dirty snowbanks to get on the bus and running from Brooklyn to Manhattan for work. The WiFi went out for about an hour and I lost my mind. I haven’t worked on my business because I’ve been working at my job. I had about three fights regarding my personal boundaries because people just try to use me for their own ends then talk down to me. My feeling is, make up your fucking mind; either I’m inferior and useless or you’re going to respect my contributions and treat me accordingly. It’s tiring. Someone told me I wasn’t qualified for something and I was like…. but I already got hired for that.

The last day with makeup

I had a day where I played with all my makeup and then ended up throwing most of it out. My skin is fine, I don’t need to do anything to it. My eyelashes are perfect, I don’t need extra ones. Plus, I messed with mascara and lashes kept dropping out, so to avoid bald eyes I’m leaving mascara behind. I kept lipgloss, eyeshadow and eyeliner, and a waxy pencil to keep my brows neat. I’m more interested in my hair and skin, anyway. I’m choosing my battle and makeup is not on my radar anymore.

That’s it. I set a schedule for Saturday blogging, but at the moment I don’t have a clear agenda. Doing interviews is too time consuming, I don’t feel like selling anything, I’m not doing brand work (except for my Amazon influencer page) and I’m not interested in talking about my job. I’m just posting to fulfill my personal schedule until I figure out what direction I’m going in.

gifts, presents, relationships, valentine's day

The Love

Valentines Day is tomorrow and I’m single and to be honest, I think I’m lucky. The pandemic is nearly a year old and if I had a significant other going into quarantine, I might not have made it. There’s no one to eat up my food or mess up my resources. I would have focused on them Instead of working on my apartment and myself, I would have had to focus outward on someone else. I wouldn’t have 11 beautiful plants to take care of.

But that’s just me. Apparently people are dating more than ever since everyone is unemployed right now.

I did a stereotypical V-Day list on my Amazon Influencer page, just in case you need some last minute stuff for whatever boo you’ve latched onto. It’s Amazon so even though it’s last minute,technically it has a chance of being delivered tomorrow. Take a look.

Art of the Root

lifestyle, new york, weather

The Feels

It snowed in Brooklyn

It snowed mightily and stopped absolutely nothing here. After a night of listening to snow plows and the supers of my building scraping snow from the sidewalk, I woke up to more snow drifting from the sky and massive piles of snow to trudge through on the way to work. I had hoped that work would get canceled, even though I’m not rich and I wasn’t desperately looking for time to do other things. I just didn’t want to have leave my nice little hides hole of an apartment to go wade through snow.

I’ma not crazy about snow. I’m just not into it. Remember that time I went skiing and slid down a mountain on my back? It’s on this blog somewhere, you can go read it and come back. If the world ends in a blizzard, I’ll just die.

im feeling stressed because everything in my work and career path is just… making me tired. I’m tired of being overlooked and I want more. More money, better work assignments, more meaning, more praise. MORE. I’m tired of one step forward and two steps back. I’m not getting fired, apparently I’m ‘good at my job’ but I’m also not moving forward to anything. Yes, pandemic and I’m in a retail field and am lucky to live in a city where people shop to feel like they’re worth something, so luxury stores are still open. But that doesn’t change how I feel.

I want MORE. I just deserve it.