dating, Fashion, relationships, self confidence

The Man

So when I went on my background acting gig I met this guy. And I was kind of annoyed, because this always happens to me. I go somewhere on a single lady mission and quickly attract a loser. Ok, maybe loser is unfair. I’m not that great of a catch myself. But I do often attract time wasting men that view me as non-threatening, low hanging fruit. That’s my life.

It wasn’t always like that, though. I guess technically I’ve done ok. I had some nice boyfriends, got married and divorced. So it’s not like it was all bad. But I was a different person then, and looking back I know I never found what I wanted because I didn’t know how to define or look for it. You can’t get what you can’t identify. And I still can’t define what I want so I attract … nothing. Human blanks looking for a meaningless good time. I have no image in my head or heart to guide me towards whoever I’m supposed to be with.

Also, I’m just finally getting a feel for who I am post COVID. I get that other people are bored and lonely and looking to hook up, but I don’t want anyone sweating up my new, expensive mattress. I don’t want to cook for anyone (the other day I made cheesy rice and it was basic and common and delicious), and I don’t want to suffer through anyone else’s cooking. I don’t want to dress up or wear makeup or do anything with my hair. I like being ugly and unstylish. It’s too hard to try to be anything else now.

I can’t see myself getting all excited to go date. I will puke if I have to act cultured. I did all of that shit for years and it didn’t make me happy and nobody cared. It’s not perfect being alone; you pay all the bills and there’s no one to rub your feet, but I’m getting good at taking care of things. I’m not ready for dating or even friendship. I’m just ready for me. That’s good enough right now.


gifts, presents, relationships, valentine's day

The Love

Valentines Day is tomorrow and I’m single and to be honest, I think I’m lucky. The pandemic is nearly a year old and if I had a significant other going into quarantine, I might not have made it. There’s no one to eat up my food or mess up my resources. I would have focused on them Instead of working on my apartment and myself, I would have had to focus outward on someone else. I wouldn’t have 11 beautiful plants to take care of.

But that’s just me. Apparently people are dating more than ever since everyone is unemployed right now.

I did a stereotypical V-Day list on my Amazon Influencer page, just in case you need some last minute stuff for whatever boo you’ve latched onto. It’s Amazon so even though it’s last minute,technically it has a chance of being delivered tomorrow. Take a look.

Art of the Root