adventures, Fashion, food, lifestyle

The Tea

For no reason whatsoever I took myself to the Russian Tea Room. It wasn’t my birthday, I didn’t have a date, I wasn’t meeting friends. I just wanted to see what it was like. This was the middle of the night some day last week, probably prompted by an instagram photo. Idk. It was just impossible to resist, so I made a reservation for high tea. I mean, I like tea.

I got a text reminder about my reservation so I looked up the menu to prep and realized that while I like tea and sandwiches, I couldn’t imagine sitting there by myself pouring tea and eating sandwiches. So I had the business lunch, then proceeded to add a cocktail and tea. That’s my problem. Once I’m at a place, I’ll just get whatever I want because I hate to tell myself no. Also, I’ve never had a Moscow mule and I was really curious. Now I know. And I ate borscht that I hadn’t made myself.

In case you’re wondering, I wore a plain black skirt, V-neck Gap cotton tshirt, and august silk cardigan with Nike skate shoes (they look like vans, but since everyone has vans…) clean but not showing off. There’s me, just a plain Jane eating lunch in a restaurant as lushly beautiful as a boudoir. Btw, that chandelier is all red Christmas ornaments and it is stunning.

I still procrastinate and sometimes I give up on things but I’m trying to push past that into a state of immediacy. Before the troubles I would say soon, or I’ll get to it, or maybe next week. Now I’m trying to grab at things and effect change in my life by doing instead of waiting. I had lunch at the Russian Tea Room because…why not?

And it was glorious.

achievements, activities, adventures, blog, books, confidence, entrepeneur, Fashion

The Plan

It’s been six months! And looking back, it was an eventful, if lonely, six months. From January first to right now I’ve been to Philadelphia, got pedicures, went to the movies and St. Patrick’s Cathedral, went to work, went to my first estate sales, went to a bunch of sample sales, went to vintage sales. Made friends with people on Clubhouse, then had that blow up in my face (reminding me that people are desperate for connections right now and I need to watch who I get comfortable talking to). I took horseback riding lessons! I can now ride a bike and a horse, so if the world goes nuts I have two new means of survival transport.

Because of course horses will be running the streets in full English saddles. But let’s go on.

I’m much better at cooking and now I’m starting to look for new recipes and ingredients because I really like cooking and posting pics to my Instagram. That satisfies me and gives me a record of how creative I am. It feeds my ego and makes me believe in myself. I’m better at my reselling business, too. I look for new ways to buy inventory and I’m going to take a sewing class for my upcycling ideas (love to start them, then get bored/discouraged halfway through and stop. This must end!), and I’m going to start looking at fashion magazines again. That keeps my eye informed, and gives me ideas to expand on. I’m reading books again! I had stopped, and back in 2019 realized that I was just going to work and coming home and just staring at screens like a zombie. Now I’m up and awake and reading and remembering to take a book with me when I go out.

I literally used to win awards in elementary school FOR READING, but about six or eight months ago couldn’t read a book without getting bored. That’s some wild shit.

Things I like:

  1. Taking pics of my stuff and selling the stuff
  2. Paying taxes. Yes. I am an adult making enough (barely) to be in a tax bracket.
  3. Reading
  4. Cooking and taking pics of my food. I’m going to make videos soon.
  5. Making soap. Yep, taking a soap making class soon.
  6. Taking classes. Bike riding, sashiko stitching, visual merchandising, horseback riding, soap making…taking classes is fun and even if you don’t use the info that second, it will be in your mind when you need it.
  7. Being consistent. I blog every Saturday, because it’s good for me and it gives me something to look forward to. Being consistent is good for your mental health.
  8. Walking, riding my bike, doing my exercises.
  9. Being alive. I like it, it’s working for me.
  10. Making things. I love spray painting, making soap, stitching things, making paper and taking photos.

What I hate:

I’m not dwelling on that shit anymore. Stuff happened, some good and some things that were so bad that I had to pretend they never happened. I’ve had a year and a half to think things through, and I’m just going to let all of that die and keep it moving. I’m on my own and I’m going to make the best of the life I have right now. If anyone has issues with me and they don’t say anything, then there are no issues. I refuse to dwell on or stress out about what I don’t know about. I am minding the business that pays me.

That’s the plan.


The Little Island Alamo

Felt restless all week. NY is pretty much open and the weather has been amazing. Getting sleep is impossible because my neighbors have fireworks. I have been stressed out for over a year. This week I just did whatever. Like running to see the Little Island down 14th Street. For some reason people built an island and it’s an architectural marvel. Until Monday I had only seen it on social media, even though it’s in my city and easily accessible. I could take stuff like this for granted before, but now I felt a compulsion to run over and take a look.

It was nice. You should go see it.

Yesterday I went to see a movie. I’ve been running the streets all week and I saw a movie theater on Thursday but the only film I could deal with, Cruella, wasn’t starting for another two hours. Friday I woke up, remembered the Alamo and bought a ticket and preordered a meal (a royale with cheese and a Bloody Mary, so perfect). I just wanted to watch something on a bigass screen, eat food I didn’t cook, and drink cocktails. I had three cocktails, tbh. After the movie I went home and took a nap.

Now I feel a little better. It’s not completely normal, but it’s better than before.


The Week

A WEEK was had that defied logic and had me rethinking my existence. Wtf. I did things and then had to redo them. I made phone calls, decisions were made, then I had to go back and repeat the sequence. I started, stopped, started, stopped. I got up, I worked out, I ate ice cream. I went here, then changed my mind in mid-stride and went there. Then had to retrace my steps anyway. The last 18 days have been a swirl of wtf. I’m confused but I’ve never felt more clear.

Gemini season. 🤭

I am trying and try to organize my apartment. Coming into June, I had it under control and then, BAM!, no control. It’s like my apartment exploded while I slept and I woke up to chaos and violence. I am purchasing the means to order and organization, but somehow messes spontaneously erupts and I am again plunged into chaos. Clothing, shoes, boxes, art supplies, reusable bags, laundry, books… everywhere.


I finally got my spending under control, making credit card payments, saving, investing and June 1st came and for the last 18 days my cards have been hot from swiping and tapping. Sample sales, storage bins, a chrome book, new WiFi plan, tiedye supplies, vintage inventory, food, skincare, knives, laundry, more food, just out of control. Which is why my apartment looks crazy. It’s unnerving. I just hand the card over with no questions. It’s frightening.

I don’t know how to feel right now. I’m just trying to stay alive until July.


The Words

I was at a thrift store in New Jersey and I found this massive dictionary. I don’t need it but I needed it. When I was a little kid, it became apparent to my mom that I had to be sheltered from other kids. I had friends, but I attracted bullies. My mom bought me a massive dictionary, plus three sets of encyclopedias (yes, books) so that I would have the answer to anything at my fingertips without risk of getting chased or beat up. As a result I’m mostly ok pottering around the house on my own. But once people think they can bully you, it never stops. Not even when you’re a grownup.

It’s better to just walk to the library and learn to fight.


The WiFi (part 2)

The WiFi saga continued from last week, including getting locked out of my internet entirely because I was playing with the settings. I nearly gave up on life. Today my unlimited WiFi is back in effect and here comes a blog post.

This morning when I ran out to my second estate sale, conveniently located in Brooklyn. I managed to get all the way there and then remember that I had forgotten cash (apparently the last estate sale adventure didn’t teach me anything) and had to walk six blocks to find an atm. After righting that wrong, I still made it early enough to be in the first batch of people into the (adorable) house. Everything was great except a lady who started screaming because they wouldn’t let her support dog in. Everyone else ran in with eyes averted like little mice, me included.

I went straight to the clothing, and found an actual Armani jacket and a Carolina Herrera beaded camisole. I grabbed some other stuff (Burberry trench, a La Perla robe, the pants to go with the CH top and what may have been a vintage linen dress with no label) with hope in my heart and headed down the (lovely and enviable) stairs to get some financial perspective before continuing to shop. I had made sure not to take too much money out, so for what I had in my overall pocket I got two pieces. I’m sure if I had argued I could have gotten a little more off but in light of the labels and the condition of the pieces, I know I was getting my money’s worth. They’re gorgeous… and worth more than I paid.

So a tense and scary week turned into fruitful and productive day. Next week is facing my tax bill and other grown up tasks but for right this minute, watching Clueless, with three gadgets running and a bunch of tabs open.

Life is good.

For now.

adventures, Fashion, lifestyle

The WiFi Adventure

Had a crappy day so my blog post is late. 10 o’clock last night my WiFi disappeared. Luckily I have books and I had some relaxing music downloaded and I was sleepy. But at 5 am I was up and the WiFi was still out. I tromped to the subway to use the free WiFi and signed up for WiFi on my phone, which I’ve been putting off. Then I wasted all morning calling the company I get WiFi from and going to a brick and mortar store where I wasted an hour waiting only to be told that they had no compatible hotspots.

And then I spent another hour wrangling a hotspot out of these people, who should have offered to replace the one I had in the first place. Then I found out that I’ve been overpaying for years and have a mass of money on my account so I don’t have to pay the bill for awhile. Just a wild ride, and every twist pointed out how little I’ve paid attention since setting up the account. Hopefully I’ve got it all squared away so that I can have another five years of taking my wifi for granted.

The last horror was finally getting into a state of peace, partially achieved by lighting a citrus scented candle. As I passed the windowsill where the candle was, I noticed a mass of ants crawling which then had to be dispatched. Right now I’m eating pancakes, watching Upstairs, Downstairs on my phone and feeling itchy.

Perfect ending.

exercise, Fashion, health, lifestyle

The Health Plan

I was having a hard time with my weight loss plan so I had to start walking with ankle weights four mornings a week. There’s a running track near my building so I can walk over, do a few laps and climb the stairs of the bleachers. I have a quick toning set that I do just to work my muscles but I wasn’t doing any cardio. I have my riding lessons for balance and posture. I’m consciously rewarding good behavior with fresh fruit and home cooking. My big health plan is working towards being out of the house and interacting with life instead of being fearfully holed up inside.

I tried to get back to riding my bike, but I only went once, I pretended it’s because the bike is too heavy, but it’s because I have to keep stopping to catch my breath and I’m embarrassed. When I got the bike last summer, I thought this was going to get me out of the house and make me more active. I love riding, especially in the mornings when streets are mostly empty. But instead of getting better, I got lazier. My rides got shorter instead of longer, and it felt like my legs were made of lead. Then I just stopped and didn’t ride anymore. It was depressing. But life is still going on and being overweight and inactive in the summer feels like too much of a cross to bear.

I also had to look at my hard cider and wine intake. Apparently I love to drink. I can drink Bloody Marys all day and feel nothing now. I love hard cider and can kill a six pack in a few hours. My grandfather died of alcohol poisoning, a fact that never had any relation to my drinking habits, but I never really had the time, energy or money to drink as much as I’ve been doing. So while I’m not afraid of being an alcoholic, I know that it would be easy for me to become one and mess up my life. So I have to up my water intake, and I bribe myself with sparkling water and probiotic carbonated beverages. The crisply popping bubbles remind me of hard cider and McDonald’s sodas.

Not trying to be a supermodel or ig model, I just want to be happy to wake up everyday.


The Horses

Pre-pandemic I had a list of things that I wanted to learn. Basically playing catch up and giving myself what I didn’t get as a kid. This week it was horseback riding lessons. Why? I don’t know. But I read Black Beauty a ton of times as a kid, so maybe that’s it. And I like the idea of having this be an option for me. I can walk, ride a bike or take a horse.

I got up super early and went out to Randall’s Island, then managed to get lost for half an hour. I almost gave up and went home. It just felt like too much. When I finally found the stables I nearly cried in relief. Once I got in it was a flurry of trying on helmets and watching my horse, Cooper, get saddled. I had opted for a Western lesson, with a western saddle. Big difference between English and Western saddles? The western has a horn to grip.

My first lesson was about getting comfortable, so once I clambered on to Cooper’s back we went into a paddock to saunter sedately around in a circle while a trainer held the reins. Then I got to hold the reins. Then I got to balance on the saddle without holding on. Then I got the reins again and started working on steering the horse.

It’s funny, but when I thought about riding a horse, I kind of forgot that horses are living things. It’s mind blowing that this massive animal let me ride on his back. Putting my hand on Cooper’s back filled me with a sense of calm.Riding reminds you that you are dependent on another being who could throw you to the ground without hesitation.

When I got home, I booked my next lesson and shopped for supplies. I found the riding helmet, horse treats and a kids book about horses on Chewy. I got the black jodhpurs on Amazon. Now I can walk around the streets of NY dressed like a lawn jockey.


The Food

I did not eat fast food for all of April. No McDonalds breakfast, no dropping in at Burger King or Wendy’s or Starbucks. I had to cook at home. I did eat out a few times, Walgreens sushi, a moment at Mexicue and a farro filled burrito from Dos Toros. But nothing from the usual suspects. I’ve lost six, possibly seven, pounds (the scale flickers) but that’s not the reason. I felt depressed and sluggish, and I was spending money reflexively on food that was not elevating me. I can’t keep spending money on food that made me feel like a bottom feeder.

So here’s a photo dump of food that I ate this month. From salads to burritos to a lot of salmon and back to salad. I backslid, and I ate cookies.

Then I went back to salads.