I was going through folders trying to make up my mind what to do for my first 2016 post. Of course I got distracted. I found an old folder of images that I took to go with an Examiner.com post about fashion exhibits. I got drawn in by the sequins and flapper cool of Catherine Martin’s costumes for Gatsby all over again.
So my first post of 2016 is actually a look back.
Remember back in 2013 when Gatsby was the only movie to see? Here in New York, you could not get away from it. Which is not a bad thing, since it’s a Baz Luhrman spectacle, but… it reminds me of something I want to keep in mind this year.
Everybody loves you, until they don’t. Everybody thinks you’re cool, until the next cool thing comes along.
I’m keeping that in mind, not just about my blog or myself, but about what I endorse or chime in on. Am I playing into the game of making women want things they don’t need or am I expressing myself? Am I in it for you guys who read this, or just so I can climb out of (now) semi-poverty? My blog has given much, but can I take that for granted?
This exhibit was styled mannequins dressed in clothing, shoes, and other accessories seen in the movie.
The shoes are decadent, bejeweled, whimsical, and stunning.
Gatsby is in itself a look back. A look back at a classic book set in a classic time in history, and fashion. It’s about someone who can’t tear himself away from an old idea of something, and it kills him. Gatsby loved something that could only ever hurt him and make him feel less than perfect. His love is inherently self destructive, and his efforts to achieve success to capture a self-destructive love came to nothing in the end.
I don’t want to be a Gatsby, but I want to be something more than I am right now. I stared blogging because I had lost yet another job and I had nothing to lose. I was just looking for a way to promote my writing and photography. I was just looking for something to do. When I started doing this, I loved fashion the way Gatsby loved Daisy, all starry eyed and thinking it was my one true thing. But, luckily, blogging taught me something really important.
Blogging taught me about myself. It taught me about certain unrealistic tendencies, it taught me about what I would do to survive and blossom. It taught me how to blossom. Blogging gave me the courage to strike out and grow up. Blogging gave me things that I needed for the price of words and photos. More than any moment of me trying to be a writer/photographer, it was blogging that taught me the worth of my talent. I am valuable enough to attract all the things girls need…for free. That is some crazy stuff to think about.
Want lipstick? Here. Shoes? Here. Soap, perfume, clothes, laundry detergent, toothpaste? We’ll send it over. Come to this event, not only will we give you free stuff, but we’ll feed you delicacies and ply you with liquor. You don’t have to do anything but write a few words and post a few photos. That is intoxicating.
Until it stops. What if it stops? Should it stop? Or should I stop it?
That’s where I am right now. I want something, but it’s not the same thing I started out chasing. I’m glad I blog and I’m glad I got stuff (not as much as some, but more than others) because I needed all of it. But what next? And who am I now? Can I outgrow my inner Gatsby tendencies?
Everybody loves you, until they don’t. I feel like the trick is to love yourself enough to know that’s true.