More of the same drama going on. Today I woke up over it. I can’t be miserable forever. Last week was utterly horrifying. I felt like there was something pulling me down, and I couldn’t enjoy nothing. I took an online dance class and realized that I was just throwing my body parts around and not really enjoying the moves at all. A week of feeling helpless and sad and angry and now I am done. I have to move on with my life. Starting next Saturday this blog goes back to being about nothing, just the way I like it.
Feel free to drop by any of my online stores. Right now I’m working on taking photos, listing new merchandise and working on upcycling projects. Between covid and looters, my immediate visual merchandising gigs may not be as plentiful as I’d like so I have to build up my side hustle just in case. I’m probably going to start looking at selling photos, books, and handmade beauty products in the coming months as well. The year is half over. I don’t want to end up homeless and on welfare because I was too depressed over something that I can’t control. I have to shift focus back to myself and making sure that I have revenue coming in to cover rent, bills, food etc.
If you want to support a small black business, feel free to click on any of these links and start shopping:
So since I can’t deal with skiing, I had to find another outlet. Apparently the yoni (or vagina as most of us call it) has become a hot area so I thought that might be a thing. Having spent most of my life in a sort of utilitarian mode regarding that area, it came as a shock to find that it had been rebranded and now I have to buy special products for it and possibly steam it. Who knew that a washcloth and soap had been replaced by bowls of boiling water infused with herbs that you squat over, risking life, limb and scalded yoni.
So now I’ve put myself out there and I have this one lonely yoni product and I’m thinking ‘she deserves more’. I’ve just started selling my upcycled designs on Aliwazas (a platform that supports black female + femme businesses because we don’t always get seen or recognized on other crowded sites) and I decided to buy something so that I could see what the purchasing experience was. I saw an instagram post about Honey Milk and liked their backstory, so I dropped by their shop .
So now I’mpaying all this attention to my yoni and she’s like ‘more’. So I gave her this:
My first vibrator ever. At this point of dealing with my yoni, I came to understand that she’s sick of the nonsense that I’ve been putting her through by dating people who don’t care about her. This is real. It’s not like words came out of my vagina or anything, I just started understanding that I’ve been wasting my natural resource and not honoring the fact that understanding how to pleasure myself sets me free of romantic delusion and unrealistic expectations. I just never thought of dedicating time and effort into figuring out what me and my yoni needed to be happy and successful.
Lifechanging. My attitude towards myself is totally different.
So now we’re here:
Valentine’s Day came and instead of feeling sorry for myself or desperate, I felt lucky. Lucky to be alive and well and falling in love with myself. Tapping into the whys and wherefores of this person. I was at Bloomingdale’s and this guy was selling this most delicious smelling fragrance and I thought ‘she deserves it’. So now we wear Tiffany & love eau de parfume, $105 because it’s who we are. Yesterday I spent all day choosing the perfect bouquet because… just because. When I opened my eyes this morning they were there, and when I drew up the shade they were illuminated by the morning light and the pleasure of this is so intense it’s beyond words. And I deserve this beauty and the pleasure that comes from witnessing it.
When it was just my vagina, I didn’t think it was special because and I didn’t think that I was special. But now that I have a yoni to care for and honor, I’m a new person. I’m a better, wiser, happier, more productive and less inhibited person looking to grow and manifest blessings for myself and others. Still petty, still irascible and sometimes downright annoying, but better.
How have you honored your divine self lately?What have you done to remind yourself that life is beautiful? Are you living your best self love journey right now?